This adventure takes you through the perils of a normal day in the Hostel of Doom during a busy July. It begins at 5.05 p.m. and you are sitting in the warden's kitchen.

1	The bell gives a dull clang and after a few moments you see a withered old man climb [up the front steps and enter the hostel. He has at last realised that the door was open all the time. The bell clangs again. You open the door to the corridor leading to the office.] You peer into the gloom to see dark, slimy walls with pools of water on the stone floor in front of you. The air is dank and cold. You light your lantern. [By Ky-lamesh! the light bulbs have gone again!] and step warily into the blackness. Cobwebs brush your face. [You make a mental note to get the assistant to remove them] and you hear the scurrying of tiny feet: rats, most likely. Turn to 9.
2	You listen at the door [of dormitory 1] and can hear a jolly sort of humming sound. Do you want to knock on the door (turn to 4) or will you [fling open the door and leap in?] Turn to 30.
3	A dull ‘bong’ sounds from the bell like a death toll. Everything around you starts to vibrate, and you grit your teeth as your head too starts to shudder. [Finally the school party all find seats in the dining room, and the noise subsides to a level you can just about tolerate.] Turn to 62.
4	[You do not have the nerve or stamina to be a warden. Your adventure ends here.] Try again? or Return to the Baradel home page?
5	The door [of dormitory 5] opens and you find yourself in a small smoke-filled room. Sitting in the room around a wooden table are four tiny men. They are cursing, laughing and joking as they play a card game. Each one is leaning back on his tiny chair, puffing a long clay pipe. On the table are a number of copper coins and four mugs of ale. As you walk in, their merriment stops. One stands up [and gasps, "Christ, it’s the warden!"] Do you: Chat to them and try to befriend them? Turn to 19. Apologise, bow and leave the room? Turn to 4. Offer to join in their card game? Turn to 19. Go for the leader? Turn to 41.
6	[You decide you will need help in preparing the meal, so you go to wake the assistant.] Turn to 20.
7	[You are now slightly recovered, though you still feel dizzy. However, you see that the meal is finally ready and you ring the bell for dinner.] Turn to 23.
8	[He is the teacher of the school party. who has been left by his pupils to clear up after their attempts at cooking their evening meal. He begs you to help him. Do you: Say, "Hang on a minute, I’ll just go and get a brush." Turn to 4. Tell him sternly that if the mess isn’t all cleaned up by 10.30 p.m. you’ll stop his card. Turn to 25. Go and find 6 of his pupils who are engaged in trying to throw everything that a) is not firmly fixed down b) cannot run faster than they can into the river and bellow, "Get into that kitchen at once and help your teacher clean up that foul mess!"] Turn to 12.
9	[You reach the office, a cold, dank little room and look around.] Turn to 48.
10	You open the door to find the [hostellers’] larder, a miscellaneous collection of bones and decaying meat. The smell is nauseating, although a jar of pickled eggs seems to offer fairly palatable food. If you wish to take these [to supplement the meagre diet the YHA allows you, for you must not eat enough to reduce the catering profit], there will be enough for two meals; add 2 points to your Provisions. [Throw the rest of the food into the bin before the Public Health inspector calls and sees it.] Turn to 26.
11	[The meal safely over at last, you decide to look around the hostel to see what everyone is up to.] Turn to 36.
12	Cautiously you creep along the passageway to [the warden's kitchen]. Here you may stop and eat provisions if you wish. Turn to 21.
13	As you investigate the cavern [dormitory 4], you suddenly hear a scurry of steps behind you and swing round to face the grotesque black shape of a GIANT SPIDER which has been stalking you. [You grab a broom to defend yourself. GIANT SPIDER skill 7 stamina 8 If you win the battle, you resolve to get hostellers to sweep cobwebs more frequently,] Turn to 49.
14	You can see a strange Goblin-like creature in what could be leather armour asleep at his post [by the front door.] you try to tiptoe past him. Test your luck. (Throw a die, if you throw a 1, 2, 3 or 4 you are unlucky. If you throw a 5 or 6, you are lucky!) If you are lucky, he does not wake up [and you can go out for a walk in peace.] (Turn to 71). If you are unlucky, you step with a crunch on some loose ground and his eyes flick open -- turn to 16.
15	[The school party have blocked the plughole in the shower tray. Water is flooding everywhere and dripping through into the room below. Summoning the assistant to deal with it, you continue through the hostel.] Turn to 5.
16	[The motorcyclist asks, "Are there any beds left for men, warden?" There are no beds left and you tell him so. He continues cheerfully, "That’s all right I’ll sleep on the floor." Do you: Agree to let him sleep on the floor? Turn to 70. Tell him in no uncertain terms that he will NOT sleep on the floor. Turn to 71.
17	Listening at the door, you hear strange mutterings and the clatter of what could be pots and pans. Whatever is in there, there could be several of them. Do you want to go through the door (turn to 28) or turn back (turn to 4)?
18	You are careful not to make too much noise in case you attract any wandering creatures [sorry, hostellers]. You stop and listen, but cannot hear anything. Turn to 22.
19	[A Life-Member Cyclist who is passing the door sees you talking in a friendly manner to the man who was breaking almost every rule in the book. He writes a letter of complaint as soon as he reaches home.] Turn to 68.
20	As you look around you hear a loud cry from behind you and swing round to see a wild man leaping towards you wielding a large battle axe. [It is the assistant warden who has finally cracked.] You must fight him. ASSISTANT WARDEN skill 7 stamina 6 If you win, turn to 54.
21	[You put your dinner out on the table, but before you can eat it the office bell rings. You hurry down the corridor and slip on the wet floor.] Turn to 24.
22	Just before the bend is a signpost which reads ‘Under construction’. In front of you is the beginning of a stairway leading downstairs. Only three steps have been built so far. [it is the fire escape from the girl’s washroom which is being built to replace the one you demolished three years ago. Building regs. permission has only just been granted and now work is proceeding furiously as the National office have realised that the main building is without a fire escape. They had told you that the hostel could not open for the season unless it was completed before the end of February. Of course it is now July...] Turn to 32.
23	As you pull the knob, a deafening clanging sound rings through the passageways. You frantically push the knob back to stop the alarm, but it has already had its effect. You can hear footsteps coming closer down the corridor. Turn to 3 to see what you have attracted.
24	Your head hurts and you feel dizzy as you rise to your feet. The four men stir into action and move towards you in single file with their [cards] ready. You grope your way down the wall for the south door, [You have switched the office lights off in the hope that the men will not see you] but it will be touch and go whether you make it. Test your luck. (Throw a die, if you throw a 1, 2, 3 or 4 you are unlucky. If you throw a 5 or 6, you are lucky!) If you are lucky [you manage to get the WARDEN AT MEAL, SHOP/OFFICE CLOSED, NEW ARRIVALS PLEASE WAIT IN COMMON ROOM sign onto the office window, before slinking back down the corridor to the warden’s kitchen. If you are unlucky the men see you and tap on the window. You have no choice but to book them in. Your dinner goes cold, and the cat steals your pork chop. Lose two stamina points.] Turn to 35.
25	[The teacher with the school party writes a letter of complaint as soon as he gets home.] Turn to 68.
26	You pause to ponder your situation and a small jet of gas hisses from the ceiling.[Some joker in the school party has been messing around with the gas cooker.] You cough and choke to clear your lungs, but collapse to your knees. Your head spins and you flop to the floor in an unconscious heap. When you come to, you look around in an unfamiliar place. Turn to 47.
27	[You look into the drying room which is next to the cupboard, but] apart from the boots, which you decide to ignore, there appears to be little of value in there. You decide to set off on your walk. Turn to 14.
28	The locked door bursts open and a nauseating stench hits your nostrils. Inside the room the floor is covered in bones, rotting vegetation and slime. A wild-haired old man clothed in rags rushes at you screaming. Turn to 8.
29	The door opens to reveal a small, smelly room. In the centre of the room is a small rickety table [the YHA will never buy stuff new if they can get it given them] on which stands a lit candle. [There is a power cut now, as well as all the other problems.] Underneath the table is [a pair of dirty hiking socks. This accounts for the smell.] Asleep on a straw mattress in the far corner of the room is a short stocky creature. He must be the [assistant warden. You tiptoe out again without waking him. The poor creature needs all the sleep he can get!] Turn to 59.
30	[You grab the first weapon that comes to hand and accompanied by the assistant you spring into the room bellowing, "What on earth is going on here? Get back into bed at ONCE! If I hear another sound from you lot, you’ll be for it!" A stunned silence falls and you stalk out of the room.] Turn to 18.
31	As you search the debris, you hear a deep thumping from the north followed by a scream which sends a shiver down your spine. You rush to the north door to investigate. Turn to 17.
32	[Everywhere now seems quiet and at last you can lock up and go to bed.] Just before dawn an [alarm clock] awakens you from vivid dreams of flaming pits and giant black spiders. [Miraculously, breakfast passes without incident.] Turn to 39.
33	The liquid is smooth and watery and, as you drink it, you begin to glow. You feel euphoric and a little drunk at the same time. Your confidence grows and your weariness disappears. Turn to 42.
34	[Finally all the hostellers have gone out for the day, but your trials are not yet over. You must now check round the hostel and clear up.] Turn to 10.
35	You open the door into a large room which can only be the dining room. Sitting round a large table are five [self-cookers] busily drinking and dribbling their bowls of rat-gizzard soup. All are involved in a rowdy argument as to who will get to chew the rat bones left in the soup cauldron, so they do not see you enter. Do you: [Make a rapid dash for the loo and vomit? Turn to 4. Swallow your rising nausea and greet them cheerfully, asking them if they have cycled far today? Turn to 60.]
36	You have entered a large square room. Broken pottery lies scattered all about. [It is the wash-up and the incompetent school party have just finished washing the dirty dishes from the evening meal.] Turn to 31.
37	The [committee member] shakes his head and says, "I am afraid you have failed the trial of champions. The Youth Hostel of Doom will keep its secrets for another year, as you will not be allowed to leave here. You are appointed my servant for the rest of your days, to prepare and modify the [hostel] for future contestants. Start again from the beginning? (Turn to 1.) If you really can't face another try, escape to the Baradel home page.
38	[A boy from the school party runs up to the office and says there are no toilet rolls in the men’s washroom, but he rushes away before you can give him any. There is no sign of the assistant and you realise you will have to take the toilet rolls yourself. As you enter the men’s washroom test your luck. (Throw a die, if you throw a 1, 2, 3 or 4 you are unlucky. If you throw a 5 or 6, you are lucky!)If you are lucky, turn to 43. If you are unlucky, Turn to 45. (If you happen to be a male Warden Adventurer, assume that it was a girl who reported that there was no paper in the loos in the women’s washroom.)]
39	The tunnel leads to a dark chamber covered in thick cobwebs. Clawing your way through them, [and making yet another mental note to remind the assistant that he MUST sweep away ALL the cobwebs tomorrow], you trip over a wooden casket. [If you wish to open the casket, turn to 67. If you wish to give up and resign from your job, turn to 4.
40	Only your immense strength and grim determination keep you from falling unconscious to the floor. you grit your teeth and press on resolutely. Turn to 58.
41	[You begin by bellowing, "By Ka-Lamesh! You are breaking nearly every rule in the book!" and then you go on to rant at them for several minutes. Leaving them quivering from the lashing they have received from your tongue you stalk out the room.] Turn to 56.
42	[Also in the office is a mouldering heap of paper. It is the housebook.] As you open the [house-]book, it begins to disintegrate and the pages turn to dust in your hands. You manage to keep a few fragments and read the hand-written script. The book appears to be about monsters, and from what you can make out it contains a full description of [the school party currently staying in the hostel. Wondering vaguely how you are going to do the month end accounts without the housebook, you leave the office after booking in the Life Member and return to the warden's kitchen]. Turn to 55.
43	[A goodlooking American hitch-hiker has just stepped out of the shower, wearing nothing but a small towel. This has brightened up your morning. Add 3 STAMINA points. However, you pass on without speaking and leave the rolls in the toilets.] Turn to 34.
44	[The passage to the assistant’s room is blocked and] you see that the obstruction is a large brown boulder-like object. You touch it with your hand and are surprised to find that it is soft and spongy. If you wish to try and climb over it, turn to 64. If you wish to slice it open with your [kitchen] knife, turn to 57.
45	You are confronted by the most repulsive sight you have ever laid your eyes on. There in front of you, wallowing in a circular pool of fetid slime, is a bulbous creature too horrible to be believed. its face is a mass of crimson blisters, one of witch suddenly bursts to reveal yet another of its sinister, all seeing eyes. [it is badly sunburned life-member cyclist having a shower.You turn and run, though you should feel no shame in doing so. Even the most hardened adventurer would quail at such a sight. As you leave, the life-member reaches for pen and paper to write a letter of complaint about having been disturbed by a member of the opposite sex whilst in the shower, also the cobwebs, the school party and anything else the all seeing eyes have noticed.] Turn to 68.
46	You push passed the two [boys from the school party] and head off north, the noise of jeering and laughter ringing in your ears. Further up the tunnel you stop to rest and check your belongings. If you had any gems, they are now gone; the [boy] who landed on your back stole them. You curse the thieving [boys and set off north again to find the teacher leading the party.] Turn to 69.
47	[Someone has carried you to dormitory 4. You stagger to your feet.] Turn to 13.
48	[Lying on the table is a book.] The book’s pages are sealed together, but a small hole has been cut out in the middle of them just large enough to hold a small corked bottle containing a clear liquid. [You have found the assistant’s secret supply of vodka. Do you want to drink the liquid? (Turn to 33). Or do you want to replace it in the book and put it back where you found it? Turn to 42.
49	[You still have several more rooms to check before you can go out for a peaceful walk to recover.] Turn to 39.
50	[You decide to taste some of the food the assistant is carrying out to the dinning room.] You lift the jug to your lips and take a swig of the liquid. It burns so much that you drop the jug and grab your throat in agony. [The assistant has put salt in the custard instead of sugar. Do you: send the custard out anyway and hope no one will notice? Turn to 61. Go to the freezer for the ice-cream, making a mental note to flog the assistant after dinner?] Turn to 52.
51	As you walk along, droplets of water again start falling from the [member’s kitchen] ceiling. You see wet footprints, made by the same boots that you followed earlier, heading west. The footprints lead to a closed iron door in the right-hand wall of the tunnel, but do not seem to go any further. [ You open the door.] Turn to 15.
52	[There is not enough ice-cream to go around.] Turn to 61.
53	He eyes you suspiciously as you offer him a portion of your provisions. But hunger over comes his fear and he crams the food into his mouth. Turn to 50.
54	[The kitchen is hot, you have stoked the aga well, knowing you had a lot of meals to cook tonight. But] the temperature continues to rise and you find yourself dripping with sweat. As you struggle on, the heat intensifies until it feels like white heat and becomes so unbearable that you begin to pass out. [If you want to open the window, turn to 65. If you want to trust to your strength, thinking you can survive the heat,] turn to 40.
55	[It is still a little early to start cooking the hostel meal, but you realise that the assistant warden is missing. You decide to go in search of him.] Turn to 44.
56	Running after the [boys from the school party], you hear more laughter, only now it is behind you. You look round and see six more [boys] emerging from behind a hidden door in the tunnel wall. Suddenly, yet another [boy] drops on your back from a ledge fixed to the ceiling. Shaking him off your back, you [shout at them], whereupon the [boys] laugh even louder. If you wish to attack them, turn to 25. If you would rather walk past them, turn to 46.
57	Your [kitchen knife] easily pierces the thin outer casing of the [mattress, for that is what it was]. A thick brown cloud of spores bursts out of the [mattress] and envelope you. Some of the spores stick to your skin and start to itch terribly. Great lumps come up on your face and arms, your skin feels as if it is on fire. Lose 2 STAMINA POINTS. Frantically scratching your itching lumps, you step over the now deflated [mattress] and head east. Turn to 29.
58	You shake your head, trying desperately to stop yourself from blacking out, but the heat is too much for you and you fall unconscious to the floor. Roll two dice. If the total is the same as or less than your SKILL, turn to 7. If the total is greater than your SKILL, turn to 63.
59	[Back in the kitchen,] you search through the cupboards and boxes, but you find nothing except an old bone. [This is all you have to provide Provisions for the newly arrived school party of 50. Do you: Burst into tears and fall sobbing to the floor? Turn to 4. Decide that the bone will have to do, reckoning that you can scrape together enough ingredients to make a tasty sauce to go with it? Turn to 6. Enter the common room where the party are waiting expectantly and fling their money onto the table saying, "have your money back and go and get a meal in the cafe in town you’ll get a better meal there than you will here."? Turn to 25.
60	Following three sets of footprints along the west passage of the tunnel, you soon arrive at a junction. [You ignore two sets of footprints which lead west and] head north, following the third set of footprints. Turn to 51.
61	[Test your luck. If you are lucky, the school party have spent all day at the seaside eating crisps, chocolate and icecream and they are not hungry. They toy half-heartedly with the bone and ignore the custard. Turn to 11. If you are unlucky, turn to 25.]
62	A crippled man with shackled feet shuffles into sight carrying a wooden tray laden with bread and water. He looks tired and miserable and, quite unmoved by the sight of you, tries to walk past. [It is the assistant. You are taking no chances of him going berserk again and attacking you. You had quite a struggle to defeat him last time. He shuffles on into the dining room. You watch in admiration. Where he has got the bread from, you do not know, but you breathe a sight of relief. It will make the bone go further. Making a mental note to reward the assistant later with a day off some time next year, you follow him into the dining room and offer the nearest boy some food.] Turn to 53.
63	The temperature continues to rise steadily, far beyond the limits of human tolerance. Lying on the near molten floor of the [kitchen], you fail to regain consciousness. Your adventure ends here. Try again? or Return to the Baradel home page?
64	You clamber on to the soft [mattress -- for that is what it is --] half expecting to be engulfed by it at any moment. Getting over it is difficult, as your limbs sink into its soft casing, but eventually you manage to struggle over it. Relieved to be back on firm ground, you head east. Turn to 29.
65	There is a large panel of glass in the left hand wall of the [kitchen]. Through it you can see a bright, [sun]-lit [valley] teeming with GIANT INSECTS of every possible description. Bees, wasps, beetles, ticks -- even the mites are over six centimetres long. Do you still want to open the window? If so, turn to 66. If you decide to try and bear the heat, turn to 40.
66	[You open the window and] immediately the Giant Insects start swarming and jumping towards you. Wasting no time, you grab [the calorgas poker] to defend yourself. The fire keeps most of the insects at bay, but by the time you [have re-closed the window], some will certainly have stung you. Reduce your STAMINA score by 5. However the kitchen is now cooler.] Turn to 7.
67	A search of the room reveals nothing of any value, although an old box in the corner contains a wooden mallet and five short stumps of wood, sharpened at one end. [Marvelling yet again at the strange things some hostellers bring with them on holiday and then manage to leave behind, you take the box along to the lost property cupboard.] Turn to 27.
68	[The Regional Management Committee decide to send a Committee Member to see you.] Turn to 37.
69	[You find the teacher and threaten that you will bring in the police if the gems are not returned instantly. An hour later re-united with your gems, you off out again out into the hostel.] Turn to 2.
70	[You let the motorcyclist sleep on the floor that night, but a Life Member writes a letter of complaint.] Turn to 68.
71	[Congratulations you survived a night as warden of the Youth Hostel of Dome! Enjoy your walk, for you must be back at 5.00 p.m. to start all over again...]

PostScript

Of course you probably think that being a youth hostel warden couldn’t POSSIBLY be like that. Well I admit it was a little exaggerated, but, er, probably not as much as most of you will think. In fact the description of the passage to the office at Kings Youth Hostel was ABSOLUTELY literal -- even down to the rats (why do you think we had two cats?) -- and it was the aptness of the description that started me off on the whole Hostel of Doom idea... Also our predecessors at one hostel DID throw a party’s money onto the table and tell them to go to a cafe. (They were later sacked, of course.) And life members DO have all-seeing eyes. And DO write letters of complaint at the drop of a hat (which should of course have been hung neatly on a peg). There WERE swarms of biting insects in the valley outside the hostel. The kitchen DID get unbearably hot.

I’ve been meaning to write something about being a warden for a while now, but I do think this gives the flavour of the job rather better than any number of anecdotes. Hostels are almost always in run-down old buildings; staffing levels are usually inadequate and some of the hostellers are intolerable. Anyway, now you know why we gave up the job! (Though we survived ten years at it.) But there is an attraction to that sort of life: living on your wits and relying on your strength and stamina to get out of tricky situations. However, from now on I’ll get those thrills vicariously from fantasy gamebooks.

A brief resume:

True	Possible	Fiction
Withered old life-members rowdy school parties hostellers who break rules revolting food in members' kitchen giant spiders Life-members who write letters of complaint disturbed meals unfinished and absent fire-escapes cobwebs strange encounters in the washroom catastrophes in the kitchen (suppliers don't deliver, no suger in the custard etc.) mattresses	berserk assistants hidden bottles of vodka	rat gizzard soup

This whole 'zine is with apologies to Ian Livingstone because all the words not in square brackets are from either Deathtrap Dungeon or The Warlock of Firetop Mountain. The rest is mine own.

And finally, thanks go to Rod (trainee at Mentrau Eryri, Blaenau Ffestiniog during May and June 1998) who re-typed the entire adventure because it was originally done as a fanzine on old fashioned paper way back in 1983. And as it was typed on a BBC Model B (using View) and the file saved on 5.25" discs, I couldn't read it with my PC, could I?